Distracted by shiny things

I am in the SSL so often, I feel like I actually live here, I probably would if that was allowed. I could sleep on the sofas and all would be good.

I am here now, of course, I even have my own computer in the computer room where I have customised Firefox and it remembers my email to facebook and everything else. I also know all the computer room regulars, I don't know their names or anything but I spend so much time with them I feel that that is irrelevant.

I finished my essay and went to bed at 4 last night, which was okay I suppose but then Friday is almost gone and I am too tired to write my essay on the affect of the Media on India politics, even though it was due in yesterday for my tute. Oh well.

I think I might go back to my horrible dirty and cold house (long, ranty story, don't get me started!) and have a nap, possibly watch Heroes, that would be nice, everyone is finally liking that episode and I still haven't had time to see it! Well, I am not sure if my laptop is quite up to downloading anything, but I shall try. Oh yeah, my laptop, which just recently turned 1 year old has decided to die on me. It apparently needs a new hard drive, it sort of works still, but it ever so often restarts itself and it takes up to an hour to switch one once that happens which does make essay writing rather exciting. And does explain why I live in the computer room of the Social Sciences Library.

Okay if I am too tired to read about the cassette culture in India, it really is time to go home.

 

I am bored and can't concentrate on what I should be reading at all.

That is very bad as last week, I did nothing on the weekend and monday and consequently had the week of hell, no fun or sleep! At the end in worked out all right, in a miracle sort of way I did both of my essays, the second one in under 4 hours and my tutor really liked it though after, I was so shattered I slept half way through saturday.

Anyway, the point is that I alway tell myself: never again. I try to learn from my mistakes, but it is Monday evening and I have done very, very little and can't seem to concentrate for longer than about 2 minutes. At all.

And maybe because I haven't really gone anywhere since Saturday, which is really awful :( And so feel restless and jittery and should have gone to the library, but it is 25mins walk and I had to carry my lap top which is annoying, so I thought I will stay and read Durkheim: The Division of labour in society and I can't do it. :((

What should I do? Help!

Also I have been away so much that I feel like I am really missing out on fandom and LJ and everything and somhow I can never catch up and maybe this is a good thing, because for a long time now I have stopped feeling like I can really express myself here and I am not sure why.

But due to lack of internet I have missed:

• yuletide sign ups, I have doneyuletide the past 3 years and it is my favourite thing ever and I missed the deadline :(
• The Dumbledore is gay squee, I only found out days late and by then people flist was less with the joy and more with the wank which made  me feel very sad
• Heroes, I have now caught up, but I have missed reaction posts and fic and feel like it is odd to post my reactions so late after the fact, though perhaps this is partly due to my confusion over how I feel. I am a bit disappointed, but the last few eps have made me squee madly, so I keep hoping it will be as awesome as before. At least there is always Nathan. With a shotgun. And a Peter shrine. Wanting more is greedy. Also Sark and Hero are love. And I may be the only person in all the land, but I like West, so there!
  
• And much, much more I am sure.

But on the bright side, Halloween is very soon and I am going to a party, though no clue how to dress up! I have finally started my Oxford application, and decided to leave the US alone and apply next year if I don't get in here, which is likely, and then spend the year doing things which can improve my US application. Not sure what things yet, but there is time. And, well can't think of anything else, as am feeling really down, but things are okay.

This is a new form of torture. It is a cruel test, which I need to pass.

I have downloaded the new episode of Heroes, it is here on my computer,

However, I have written 1000 words of an essay due in tomorrow and have yet to begin reading for the essay due in on Thursday morning, for which the reading list is over ten starred books. I have half given up on that essay, though not being able to do both essays in week one is certainly not a good start. We are also going to the cinema with the tutor who the essay is for and so that would be an awkward conversation. (Though really, he should thank me, less marking!) 

Oh yeah I just really, really want to watch Heroes. But alas, it was not meant to be.

I have watched the first five minutes...

:(

It is unusually quiet around as everyone has gone out leaving me to spend my evening writing a rather overdue essay on global justice (!) which is a fabulous topic on which I wish I had had more time to spend. Sadly time has been around in very limited quantities recently. It is technically Friday of 7th week, if I wasn't staying behind to help with interviews (and get paid, yaay!) I would be leaving in a week. I still have two essays to do of course while the historians have finished already and were apparently playing strip volleyball in the main quad. I remember some laughter but moving to the window to check it out had seemed like too much effort at the time.

I should probably go to bed, have rowed today, yesterday and the day before and it is getting a bit too much. Sadly that is it as we have lost again. :( This time was a good loss, as we didn't a) crash into the bank three times or b) had to stop the race 20 seconds in, in order to avoid crashing into a random drifting boat (not out fault!). We lost by a tiny bit and apparently looked pretty good. So this is it with rowing thing. Wish I had won something but despite that it was fun, don't think I will do it next term. Too cold, not a novice meaning more pressure and the fact that competitive sports are not my thing. Though I wouldn't mind occasionally subbing for someone.

My back hurts, I think that I actually spend more time in this chair then anywhere else including my bed. People always come in and laugh at the fact that I seem to permenantly reside in the chair. "In the past week, I have only seen you once not it that chair". "It is like time is still, everytime I come in, it all looks the same, you and that chair" etc. In my defence it is a rather nice chair, I have draped it with my colourful stripy scarf from Athens and all my notes are within reach on the floor, also my laptop and food and what else does one need?

Yeah bed it is, and tomorrow will be more fun.

My fingers ache. Have just completed essay number one for the week, it is a pile of shit on virtue ethics and I am scared to reread it, but I don't even have the time to reread it. Have to start reading for my political theory essay, otherwise I am screwed. My back hurts. It's like I never move anymore. All day in my room, constantly working, then tutes all over for the week, a burst of relief as I can finally have a break. Go out, socialise, see people. Go to bed too late again. Become even more tired as I deseprately attempt to catch up sleep on the weekend but end up sleeping less. Somehow the weekend is over, have done nothing productive and not enough fun and suddenly it is Monday again. Two essay due in three days time and nothing else at all.

It is such a routine. I feel bored. It is unusual and unpleasant.

One thing I have never had here is a routine, there is always so much to do but never enough time and just work. No time to actually go to lectures. My neck hurts. Missed salsa yesterday. At least film night I organised in JCR was a success, watched the Motorcycle Diaries. Brilliant. Want to abandon everything and fly to South America. Laughable idea as am too scared to go places by myself even in Oxford.

There is a trampoline outside. In the centre of Main Quad, for a breast cancer charity people are going to be jumping 24hrs to raise money. A good idea, a fun way to do it. Only. I can hear the constant squeaking. It makes me nod my head and it is not even that loud, feels like a constant drilling in my brain. Shoulders hurt too. Perhaps am in need of a break but no time for one, need to read 50 pages before going to bed. At least rowing was cancelled this morning due to high waters or something, desperately needed those extra hours of sleep.

squeak...squeak...squeak...

it is driving me crazy

6 signs that I have done too 'much' revision or why Katia will fail her prelims/collections/everything

1. I tidied my room
2. I did some ironing without being asked by my mum repeatedly.
3. I painted my nails pink.
   
4. I paid vague attention while my brother made me listen to music from various people's myspaces.
5. I spend ages on Wikipedia following links and reading up on a range of random topics
6. I am writing a list, wtf?

Yes. I am procrastinating again. I am not very good at revising, because it bores me, no matter how interesting the topic was when I first did it, now everything is just boring. On the bright side I had chocolate cheesecake for dessert and it was rather wonderful. Mmm.

Also I really have no clue how to revise for politcs apart from reading my notes/essays, same with philosophy and reading notes is not exciting or motivating. I want interactive learning, I want to revise with someone else. That would be so much more fun. Any revision pointers are very much welcomed.

All work no play today, but it feels good to hand things in, two down now only an essay to go. Have to do it tomorrow, but have/have read most of the books and now it's only a matter of understanding the question. Can't be that difficult...

Lots of lectures I have, also the first logics class which I really enjoyed. In today's morning lectures saw loneraven and waved but she blanked me like whoa, possibly because she didn't recognise me, not sure. Spend a substantial amount of time in the library too. Fell very studenty.

Thank you everyone who made me feel better yesterday, it really helped *hearts*

The days just fly. Argh no time!