:(

[katia]

I am bored and can't concentrate on what I should be reading at all.

That is very bad as last week, I did nothing on the weekend and monday and consequently had the week of hell, no fun or sleep! At the end in worked out all right, in a miracle sort of way I did both of my essays, the second one in under 4 hours and my tutor really liked it though after, I was so shattered I slept half way through saturday.

Anyway, the point is that I alway tell myself: never again. I try to learn from my mistakes, but it is Monday evening and I have done very, very little and can't seem to concentrate for longer than about 2 minutes. At all.

And maybe because I haven't really gone anywhere since Saturday, which is really awful :( And so feel restless and jittery and should have gone to the library, but it is 25mins walk and I had to carry my lap top which is annoying, so I thought I will stay and read Durkheim: The Division of labour in society and I can't do it. :((

What should I do? Help!

Also I have been away so much that I feel like I am really missing out on fandom and LJ and everything and somhow I can never catch up and maybe this is a good thing, because for a long time now I have stopped feeling like I can really express myself here and I am not sure why.

But due to lack of internet I have missed:

• yuletide sign ups, I have doneyuletide the past 3 years and it is my favourite thing ever and I missed the deadline :(
• The Dumbledore is gay squee, I only found out days late and by then people flist was less with the joy and more with the wank which made  me feel very sad
• Heroes, I have now caught up, but I have missed reaction posts and fic and feel like it is odd to post my reactions so late after the fact, though perhaps this is partly due to my confusion over how I feel. I am a bit disappointed, but the last few eps have made me squee madly, so I keep hoping it will be as awesome as before. At least there is always Nathan. With a shotgun. And a Peter shrine. Wanting more is greedy. Also Sark and Hero are love. And I may be the only person in all the land, but I like West, so there!
  
• And much, much more I am sure.

But on the bright side, Halloween is very soon and I am going to a party, though no clue how to dress up! I have finally started my Oxford application, and decided to leave the US alone and apply next year if I don't get in here, which is likely, and then spend the year doing things which can improve my US application. Not sure what things yet, but there is time. And, well can't think of anything else, as am feeling really down, but things are okay.